Key Action: Set yourself a time frame (with a time limit) and break down the decision into what you need to know and the unknown pieces that you have to be okay with not knowing.

We face many big decisions in our lives. And when I say “big”, I mean really any decision that feels big.  It could be that you are considering changing jobs or whether to move or not for a job, but it could also be how you are confronting a day-to-day issue in your life. Don’t belittle the day-to-day – little things add up and can make a big different in our lives, so they are allowed to sit in the “big” decision category. And it’s okay that something that feels big to you might not be big to someone else.  Don’t worry, they have their big things they are trying to sort out too.

So how to approach this big decision? The key is that you want to give yourself time to think it through and consider your options, but you don’t want to get stalled and delay progress by not getting to a decision.  Here is the process to walk through for all major decisions:

1. Decide on a time frame for making the decision.

The time frame really depends on the situation. It could be 1 day because your boss needs an answer. Or maybe you are trying to decide on where to go on vacation this year, and you set yourself a timeline of a month to get to a decision. Maybe you’re considering ending a relationship, but you can’t seem to get to an endpoint on your decision. Regardless of the topic of the decision, you can and should set a time frame and a deadline for making that decision. And stick to it. Write it down, put it on your calendar, tell a friend or your dog, and really stick to it.  You’ll find it’s actually easier than you think and way better than continuing in this in-between state of waffling and indecision. You can even plan a reward or celebratory event to help you have a closing and pat on the back for getting to your decision.

1. Do you research and homework.

All big decisions deserve some research and homework. What does this mean? It means considering all sides of the coin and getting yourself to a point where you understand the choices you have. NOTE: We often fall under the illusion that we have no choice or have little choice. This is false. You always have choices, but you may just not be seeing what your choices are. Research and homework could also mean actual reading about a topic or reading about aspects of a situation (e.g., how to handle difficult conversations or how to manage your manager). It could be learning more about human behavior and how people respond to situations, or it could also be talking to other people and getting information that helps to inform your decision. Sometimes the best thing for a decision is to go ask people questions without telling them about your decision. You get great feedback and a range of perspectives that you can take in and then use to help you figure out where you want to be in your decision. All of these work – often a combination of these can really help. If you are reading, be sure to look at multiple sources of information, and if your decision needs data and facts, always be sure to check your facts and maybe even round that out with conversations with experts in the field. Don’t skip this part – and don’t feel bad for taking the time you need to understand.

1. List out pros and cons, along with your priorities.

This step is really useful if you come out of the research and homework phase and you still feel really stuck. You might consider going to #4 and seeing if you actually have come to a decision but are just holding yourself back from actually making the decision. However, if you really are still stuck, writing down the pros and cons (or comparative benefit lists of your different options) can really help. In addition, write down your top priority goals at the top of your list, so you don’t lose sight of what is most important in this decision. For example, let’s say you are considering between a new job opportunity or staying where you are at. No job option is ever perfect. So you really need to make sure you are making a decision that is aligned with your goals and priorities. Your priorities might be (1) to stay close to family, (2) to have more flexibility in your schedule, and (3) to find a remote position. If these are your priorities, then you might not be able to also have the top paying job option or the job option that is the most challenging or topically exactly what you want. So, write the pros and cons and see how they match up to your priorities.

1. Sleep on it.

There is a point where you know. You know what you want to do, you know what the decision is that you have to make. It’s just that it can be really hard to actually make that decision and move forward. So use the “sleep on it” approach. Give yourself time. And when you wake up in the morning, what does your gut tell you?  What is your core feeling on the topic? You can feel it there, and you might not like what it’s telling you, but it’s there. Work on tapping into that feeling – your gut feeling – and trust that it is telling you what the best decision is for you.  Trust yourself enough to go with it and build from what your gut and heart are telling you – use your head to sort through how you are going to manage and follow through with the details.

1. Decide and go with it. You can always make changes as you go.

All you can do is make the best decision possible with the information that you have right now. What comes in the future is unknown, and so you must move forward without knowing exactly what will happen. The beauty of it all is that you can always change things down the road, and once you start making strong decisions for yourself, you’ll find that it becomes easier and less scary. And often, our decisions work out really well, even if the outcomes are not what we thought they would be. And even if you have a negative outcome, well, there is a lot to be learned there. We learn more from negative outcomes than from those that are exactly what we want. So decide. Move forward. Feel proud of yourself for making a decision.